Who steadies my heart…

One of the newest songs I’ve learned early last year was Kari Jobe’s You Steady My Heart. I find this song very appropriate for me. As most of you know, I have been through a lot these past few months. Those months were the last part of my college life. My classmates and I struggled through those last weeks of our college education. Most of us finished the race. Yes, we’re scarred. But we’re finishers. It did not matter how dirty or how bruised we looked- we got there.

A month before graduation, our guidance office scheduled an exit interview for all of the graduating students. It was done by groups. The people in my group were mostly my classmates so it wasn’t really hard to open up to them. Each of us were asked to answer questions and one of which was “what are you feeling right now? During all the things you are experiencing before you graduate.” Most answers went like “stressed, tired, and nervous,” I, being second to the last to answer, did not really feel anything good that time. Most of our subjects are not yet okay. We had problems with our major subjects. Personally, I have been facing problems neither my parents know about. So that time, I answered “excited.” That was all I said. My classmates thought I was joking. Some even said that I must be excited for coming back with all of them.

But then I said, “no, really, I’m excited. I’m not anxious or anything. I am excited. Right now, I really have a lot of problems, burdens even. I also feel like quitting. I feel like running away sometimes. But above all these, I’m excited. It is proven and tested for me. God’s greatness is exciting. Every time things in my life don’t fall into place, or when things are not going as I planned, it is when God really moves in my life. After all those struggles, pain, hardships, there will finally come a time when God will reveal His surprise for me. And that’s what I am so excited for. I know that I will have my “aha!” moment eventually. And then, I will see again how good my God is.” It was somehow quiet that time before we went on to the last one to answer.

A little while after graduation, I tried to apply for my dream company. And after a few weeks, I got in! One Thursday night, when my parents and I were on our way home, I shared to them what transpired during our exit interview. My mother was quiet then. I thought she was not listening. But the next time I logged on to my Facebook account, I found out that she even wrote about it.

Here’s a part of what she posted:

“SUCH FAITH! Now I know why in spite of all her (me) failures and disappointments, I didn’t see her falter. I didn’t feel her bearing grudges to anyone and dwelling on her sad experiences because she is holding on to her faith that all things will work together for good to those that love the Lord.”

But how I wish I could attest to what my mom said that I did not falter. Well maybe, she did not see me. I’m kind of good at that. But in reality, so many times I really gave up. But one thing I never gave up- my trust in God. He has never failed me, never left me, and He never brought me down. Who am I to lose trust?

So there’s why Kari Jobe’s You Steady My Heart strikes me most. God really steadies my heart even when it hurts, even when it’s hard, even when it all just falls apart.

“God’s plan is always the best. Sometimes the process is painful and hard. But don’t forget that when God is silent, He’s doing something for you.”

shewasborntowin